dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So many bounce houses so little time
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
