sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize