so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
