I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
