I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
