I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
