I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
