apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
