LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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