peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
