Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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