"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
