Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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