Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
