Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
