oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
