Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize