Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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