and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
