...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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