that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
