The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
