So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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