Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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