I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Randomize
