Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
