At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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