i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
