connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
