I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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