I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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