I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
