tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
