I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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