Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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