sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
