Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
