I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It's Friday. Sex?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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