Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
