bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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