I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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