Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
