I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
