i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
