The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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