Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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