I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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