I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
