This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
