I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
