I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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