She is in my trunk
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
