I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize