Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you had me at cake vodka
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
