I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
