she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize