Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
