I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
