Your face is a jimmy john
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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