I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
