Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
