Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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