Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
