We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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