I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
