Cold hands, warm shart.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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