Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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