i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
