I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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