I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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