It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Randomize
