So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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