Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
