my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
