what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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