i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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