I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
