the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
