And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
