Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
how does that bad decision feel?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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