Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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