whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
